


The Bloom on the Rose

by DragonsPhoenix



Series: Lily Out of Water [1]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Jossverse
Genre: Canonical Character Death, F/M, Mind Manipulation, Psychological Torture, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-08-17
Updated: 2008-08-17
Packaged: 2018-09-13 18:55:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9137128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DragonsPhoenix/pseuds/DragonsPhoenix
Summary: Angelus, wanting to control Willow's magic, kidnaps and brainwashes her.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> 31 Jan 2009: Squee! I've been nominated at the Willowy Goodness Awards for 1. Best Willow/Spike Author 2. Best Willow/Spike Fic for Lily Out of Water and 3. Best Angst, also for Lily Out of Water.  
> 
> 
> Angelus does not love Buffy. He has Angel’s memories of loving Buffy, but that’s it.  
> In my 'verse, vampires, even if had potential or actual witch power as a human, have no access to witch powers however some vampires can sense power in a human.
> 
> Many thanks to my wonderful beta reader BehrBeMine. Thanks also to my friend Charlie who came up with the incantation for me.
> 
> The second story I posted. With LJ possibly vanishing, and given that I'm rewriting the sequel, Lotus in Muddy Water, I wanted to save it.

**Angel / Angelus**

Forward fell, facedown. Pretty pale pink green gold garden carpet; blood spattered. _Red as rubies; red as death. Red as darkness; out of breath._  


  
_No, that’s wrong. Cement, this is cement. Blood belongs to my past, to his past. Why am I thinking of ...?_ Pain rippled through me and then I knew. And I responded. I fought Angelus for control of my body.

“No!”

  
_Behind me, heartbeat. Beat. Beat. Scent of smoke, cigarette._ “Are you all right?”

  
_I will be._ I shed my human face as I rose. She screamed. Her corpse crashed to my feet as I exhaled her smoke. After a hundred years, I finally felt the pulsating power of human blood in my veins.

  
_Power._ I thought of Willow. _I know who has a great deal of power._  


**Angelus**

Buffy was leaving with Jenny Calendar as I arrived. _That’s one obstacle out of the way as much as I’d love to kill Buffy now, I’ll need her alive to test Willow’s loyalty to me._ I thought about what I’d learned during my earlier visit as I snuck into the school. _I was right. Willow has the potential to be an incredibly powerful witch. Overhearing her fighting with Xander was a bit of luck. Who’d have thought Cordy would look at him twice? Poor, innocent Willow feeling all alone and betrayed, makes my life easier. That idiot of a boy is practically throwing her at me._

I heard a single heartbeat in the bathroom and caught Willow’s scent. As I listened by the door to her cries, I took a moment to bask in her pain. Then I snuck up behind her and whispered, “Willow.” 

She whirled around to face me. Her face paled as she leaned away from me and gasped, “Angelus.” 

I grabbed her throat and put a finger over her lips. Her heartbeat sped up as she tried to retreat further into the wall. “Shh. We don’t want to attract any attention. Quietly now, how did you know?”

“Miss Calendar. She said it was a gypsy curse,” Willow whispered.

“The curse? It forced my human soul back into me.”

“There was another part. If you experienced a moment of true happiness, you’d lose your human soul. So when you and Buffy, well, you know.”

“Could they curse me again?” I asked as I tightened my fingers around her throat.

Willow’s voice trembled with fear as she replied. “Miss Calendar said that nobody knows that magic anymore.”

Leaning in, I whispered, “Willow, do you know why I’m here?”

“To kill me?”

“No, I’m not going to kill you. I’ll never kill you. Not if you’re good.” I slammed Willow’s head against the wall and carried her out of the school.

**Willow**

“Wakey, wakey, pet.” A vampire pulled me out of the trunk of a car. I couldn’t tell through the vamp face but he looked vaguely familiar – like someone I recognized but didn’t really know. Spike was there, in a wheelchair, giving orders, which must make the vampire that held me a minion. We were outside a large building, so pale in color that it glowed against the night sky. I couldn’t see much in the moonlight but I thought it was a hotel.

“Come on. Let’s get her inside,” Spike said as he rolled towards the building. I wanted to at least try to escape, but was too disoriented. The minion dragged me through a foyer and I scanned the area trying to figure out where I was; it looked like it had been abandoned for decades, garbage and graffiti everywhere. Most of the graffiti seemed to be words, names perhaps, written in vibrant colors but I didn’t have enough time to read them. And then I saw her, a very old woman, or what was left of a very old woman. I gasped and struggled to break free but the minion held me roughly to him. 

Spike looked over at her and yelled, “Hey, somebody clean up Angel’s leftovers. And isn’t this one supposed to be blindfolded?” Before me, a poem had been sprayed onto the wall. I read it as we waited. 

Where demons slink and slither,

minds are up for trade

and reason is a broken reed

at the Devil’s Masquerade.

Another vampire brought over a blindfold. I thought I’d been afraid before but not being able to see made it worse. Every step felt like I was about to fall off a cliff and they didn’t give me a chance to adjust but dragged me along while I tripped and stumbled behind. They shoved me down through a narrow door and I scrambled away from them until I bumped into bars. As far as I could tell, I was in a cage. I heard about a dozen different voices that all seemed to defer to Angelus. 

“She’s a pretty treat? May I taste her?” A hand caressed my cheek. I tried to back away but couldn’t get out of her reach.

“No, luv.” _That’s Spike’s voice_. “Leave her alone. You know how Angel gets when you play with his toys.”

_ Toy? I’m a toy? I can’t be a toy. That doesn’t make sense. This has to be a trap for Buffy. I must be bait. Like Jesse was. They turned him. If they were going to turn me, they would have done it already. I hope. _

**Angelus**

Spike couldn’t wait to start whining. “You! You told Dru to torment the witch.”

“Somebody has to. Willow needs to feel she might actually die. Breaks down the will. Willow’s smart, she must know I’m keeping her alive for a reason. I need an ‘uncontrolled’ element to make her feel threatened.”

“Make me the bad guy,” Spike replied.

“Spike, she needs a friend. Dru can’t pull it off.”

Spike just wouldn’t let it go.   “Yeah. And you’re gonna teach her magic. What if she attacks Dru? What if she kills Dru?”

“By the time she has that much power, she’ll be under my control. You worry too much, Spike,” I replied.

“A minion then. Let one of the minions threaten her.”

I laughed. “That’s not believable.”

“I don’t like this threat to Dru.”

“Do your job right and there will be no threat to Dru. One more thing,” I added, “If this is going to work, Willow must recognize me as the authority figure. I will allow nothing to interfere with that. You will treat me with all the respect due to your Sire.”

“No,” he glared at me.

I grabbed the arms of his wheelchair and snarled into his face. “It’s necessary.” I pushed the wheelchair back and stood up. “I need her to see that I’m respected and deferred to. By everyone, Spike. If you won’t do it, then get out.” I kept the smile off of my face. _I’ve got him. He’s not leaving without Drusilla and she’s not leaving me. Spike will comply and, in doing so, will start thinking of himself as my Childe again._  


**Willow**

  
_Night. No, I’m thinking it’s night because it’s quiet. Vampires would sleep during the day_. I tried to stay awake, to be prepared, for what, I didn’t know. Exhaustion took me time and time again before I jerked awake, listening. There was nothing there, an eternity of nothing until.... Tap. I crawled away from the sound but it kept following me, surrounding me. Tap. Tap. Tapping on the bars of my cage. It kept moving around the edge of my cage; I kept moving to get away from it. Tap. Tap. Tap. I whimpered.

“Shhh. Willow. It’s only me.”

“Angel? I mean, Angelus?”

“Yes.”

It didn’t help to know. If anything, I was more terrified. Giles had read us descriptions of Angelus’ atrocities. I didn’t know where I was. Buffy wouldn’t find me in time. _Talk. Keep him talking; keep his mind off of..._ I veered my thoughts away from what he might do to me. “Why are you keeping me here? Is this a trap for Buffy?”

“Buffy?” He laughed. “Don’t be stupid. Buffy won’t leave the Hellmouth. She’s the Slayer; she’ll stay where the action is.”

“But I’m her friend and she’s going to rescue me.” At Angelus’ continued laughter, I added, more uncertainly, “She tried to rescue Jesse and she barely knew him.”

“That’s her job. And she wasn’t all that successful at it, now was she? Xander’s your friend too. Did he tell you he was getting all hot and heavy with Cordelia? No, he left you out of the loop, didn’t he? Hell, even I knew.”

“Are you saying everybody knew, except me?”

“What do you think?”

“I... he wouldn’t do that.”

Angelus whispered, “Ah, but he did.”

Tears filled my eyes. _Xander. With Cordelia. Not with me._ I tried to justify it. “Maybe he was just trying to spare my feelings.”

“Oh yeah, because Xander Harris is all about your feelings. Maybe he’s not as good a friend as you think he is.” Whispering again, he added, “Maybe none of them are.” Whistling, he left the room.

I sank into despair. _Xander and Cordelia. He told Angel? He hates Angel. How could he tell Angel and not me?_  


**Spike**

Angel was whistling as he sauntered out of the room where we’d stowed Willow. It had probably been a ballroom once but Angel used it as his throne room now and, of course, as a torture chamber. He was playing with variations of a tune, adding minor notes so it sounded almost eerie echoing off the walls of that cavernous room but, because I’d lived with Angel for over a century, I could recognize the tune: _Possession_.

_Nothing stands between us here_

_And I won’t be denied_

_And I would be the one_

_To hold you down_

_Kiss you so hard_

_I’ll take your breath away_

_And after I’d wipe away your tears_

_Just close your eyes dear_

_Subtle, Angel, real subtle. Probably is throwing your little captive off kilter though._

“And what was that show for?” I asked. “Not like she’s going to believe you about her friends.”

“Spike,” replied Angel. “Right now, she’s unsure of herself, out of her element. I’m throwing some doubts her way, giving her something to think about. Her imagination will take care of the rest.”

“So, you’re winding her up and letting her torture herself? I like it.”

“I can’t do all the work. She has to change her own mind. I’m just, let’s say I’m pointing her in the right direction.”

**Willow**

The room was full of noise again. I tried to pay attention, tried to get a clue as to where I was or what was going on but I was so exhausted. I hadn’t had food or water since Angelus had knocked me out in the bathroom. I didn’t understand. Why not just drain me? Why were they starving me?

I felt a slash on my cheek. Blood dripped down. A voice. “Oh. You are as tasty as I thought you’d be.” _Drusilla. She can’t drain me through the cage. I’m safe._ She slashed me again. _I’m surrounded by vampires and I’m bleeding._ I imagined myself dying in a feeding frenzy.

“Dru. Get away from her. Come here. Now.” _Angelus. Calling Drusilla off of me._ I breathed a sigh of relief. _Angel will protect me._  


**Spike**

I looked down to see I was biting my thumb and slammed my fist into the wall. _Damn Angel’s going to get my Dru killed. Can’t leave; she won’t go with me and then there’ll be nobody here to protect her. Could kill Willow. No, Angel would just kick me out, and Dru, damn her, would stay with him. Only one way out, learn what he’s doing and beat him at his own game._  


I found Angel in the foyer directing minions to remove the graffiti. Pity, I rather liked it since it added a bit of needed color to the place. “Don’t you think you should water and feed the witch? Been a couple of days.” _Bugger. Why did I say that? If he forgets to water her she’ll die and it won’t be my fault._  


“Soon. Tomorrow. Or the day after,” he replied. “Lack of food and water, lack of control; it’s all part of the ordeal.”

“Ordeal?” I asked.

“Ordeal. Initiation. Brainwashing. Pavlovian conditioning. Pretty much all the same thing, really.”

“What’s Pavlov got to do with it?”

“Spike,” taunted Angel. “Don’t you read?”

“Of course I read,” I snarked back. “I’m just not fascinated by _human_ psychology, like some.”

“Willow is undergoing an ordeal. People use torture to bring others into the group – think indigenous initiation rituals or fraternity hazing. I’m taking Willow and making her mine, making her part of our group.” _I hear more than you think. “Make her mine,” you said. Everything with you is yours. Everything with you is control. Everything with you is about power but I’ll win yet._ Angel continued over my thoughts with, “The first step is to break down her will using fear, humiliation, isolation, and disorientation. As she becomes more and more uncertain, she’ll start looking to her environment for cues on how to behave. When she overhears all of you deferring to me,” he gave me a significant look, “she’ll start deferring to me as well.”

“You think she’s going to model her behavior on that of vampires?” _Angel’s lost his mind, mad as Dru. You think I’m looking after both of you, you’re nuts. One mad vampire is enough for this lad to handle._  


Angel sighed and explained some more. “It all works together. Willow is becoming disoriented, uncertain. That makes her more susceptible to following the examples of others. Since she’s isolated here, we provide the example. Also, when all of you defer to me, Willow starts seeing me as the authority figure, which will help her to convince herself to obey me.”

“So, that’s Pavlov then?” I asked.

Angel stormed across the room, throwing up his hands. Minions scattered before him. He turned back to me and said, “No, that’s not Pavlov. The ordeal, the initiation, the terror – all of that is Pavlov – stress the individual enough and you can break its will.”

“So Pavlov is all the fun stuff?”

Angel looked like he was about to object and then his shoulders dropped about an inch and he smiled. “You’re right. Pavlovian conditioning is the fun part. But as far as Willow is aware, you keep out of this part. I want her ready to see you as an ally when we move to the next phase.”

“Back in Sunnydale you mentioned fear and seduction.   Where’s the seduction fit in?”

He slipped into vamp face and growled. “You leave the seduction to me.” _Oh, don’t like that, do we?_ “That doesn’t start until she accepts my mark.” _His mark._ I felt sick.

**Willow**

The noise died down. I was tired and thirsty but I’d stopped feeling hungry, I’m not sure when. I felt like glass, about to shatter.

“Willow.”

“Angelus.” _Should care. Can’t._  


“Here. I’ve brought you some water.” He held a glass up to my mouth. I drank thirstily. I heard the sound of water pouring. “Have some more.” I drank again and again. I must have drained the whole pitcher before I felt better. _I can think again. Maybe I shouldn’t have drunk that. Maybe it’s poison. No. He doesn’t need poison to kill me_. I heard the cage being locked. I didn’t hear him walk away. I listened for a very long time. I hadn’t heard him approach.  I didn’t know if he was there or not.

“Angel?” I asked.

“Good night, Willow,” he said before I heard him walk away.

**Angelus**

_She called me Angel. She’s starting to think of me as an ally, as someone who’s on her side. Perfect. That just makes her all the more susceptible to me. Angel is her protector, her savior, whom she will give herself up to. Angelus is her tormentor, the demon that will break her will._

I found Spike in the lobby. “I gave her water,” I offered.

“Not because I suggested it, surely.”

  
_Don’t get above yourself, Childe._ “Of course not. It’s part of her conditioning. I gave Willow water and protected her from Dru, which means that Willow’s going to start feeling that she’s in my debt and that she needs to repay me. But I set all the conditions: I choose what obligates her to me and I decide how she’ll repay me.”

“That doesn’t make any sense,” said Spike. “She’s not going to feel obligated to you; you’re imprisoning her.”

“Doesn’t matter. She’s been conditioned all her life to think and act this way. Now here’s what I need you to do. Dru will continue to slash Willow for me. When I’m holding court, when Willow knows I’m there, I will call Dru off. When Willow thinks she’s alone with Dru, you will pretend to stumble across Dru as she’s attacking Willow but keep a close eye on Dru, I don’t want her hurting Willow too badly. Obviously we can’t do this too often or Willow will start suspecting we’re manipulating her.”

**Willow**

I woke to the unlocking of the cage. “Who... who’s there?” No answer. I was pulled out of the cage and dragged along. With my free hand, I tried to feel for the walls, for some stability but was only jerked along faster. I didn’t know where we were going. I didn’t know who had me. I wanted to scream but was too afraid. _Perhaps, if I’m good, if I go along with this, they won’t hurt me – too much_. I heard a door open. My hands were untied.

“There’s a toilet in front of you, if you need to use it,” I heard Angelus say. I didn’t hear him leave the room.

“Angelus?” I asked.

“Hurry up. I don’t have all day,” he replied.

“Could I have some privacy, please?”

“No, and I wouldn’t count on getting back here any time soon.” For the first time, I was glad for the blindfold. I didn’t have to see him seeing me blush. When I was done, he dragged me back to the cage. My hands were still untied and I tried to remove the blindfold but I couldn’t. It was locked on, somehow. Defeated, I slumped to the ground.

**Drusilla**

“Spike, it’s all going to go bad. We have to stop it.”

“I’m here luv, I’ll take care of you. Tell me what you see,” Spike said.

“You give me the bright, shiny, blessed sun while Angel sings dirges to the cruel, cursed moon. Puppy dog eyes are watching, watching as sacred bonds are severed. The guardian is dead. Annabel is dead. The gatekeeper is dead. The center cannot hold. All the pretty petals spiraling out, dancing away, drifting apart in the wind. The trigger is pulled and the arrow flies forth. The stars align against us but the stars quarrel amongst themselves. Angels in heaven and demons under the sea conspire and quarrel.” The words that tripped off my tongue didn’t match what I saw so I shouted, trying to make Spike understand. “Conspire and quarrel, conspire and quarrel, conspire and quarrel.”

“Shh, luv,” Spike cradled me and rocked me, back and forth, back and forth. He didn’t understand so I turned, touched his face, and told him in simple words. “Spike, we need to kill her. We’re not safe until she’s dead.” He stood up, turned away, lost. Forever-lost in indecision. Up to me, to save us all. I silently snuck to the cage and grasped the witch. She shrieked sharp needles in my mind.

Angel dragged me away, freeing her from death. I snarled and slithered, trying to get back but he held me cruelly close. “Leave Willow alone, Dru.” His fangs entered my neck. _No, it’s wrong. She’ll destroy us all. WRONG. Wrong... wrong... wrong?_  


“Sire,” I submitted.

**Willow**

_ I’ve found a way to get through Drusilla’s attacks, at least when I’m not alone with her. Angel always calls her off of me quickly. If I focus I can count and I can endure her slashing at me because I know they will end by the time I count to 30. _

_29. 30. 31? I start to feel nervous. Maybe I’m counting faster today? Why hasn’t Angelus called Drusilla off yet? 32? 33? ... 47? With each count, my sense of panic increases. Suddenly, I can’t count. I’ve forgotten how. I tremble in the center of the cage. Drusilla slashes at me. I scream. I hear Angel call Drusilla, distant and far away. I whimper._

** Spike **

_Damn that was an impressive bit of torture. I hate to ask but I have no idea how he did it._

I entered Angel’s room only to be greeted by a statue of Mary Magdalene, looking like a decrepit beggar and as ugly as sin. He’d hit some of the local art museums to pick it and some other atrocious pieces up. An African mask, made out of cowrie shells, dominated the back wall; it had dark gaping holes for eyes, the kind that drag you into Hell. Gave me the creeps. Angel had put in some modern bed set, all metal and plastic. I thought it looked cold and impersonal myself but what did I know? Whatever my Dru wanted for our room was good enough for me. 

Angel liked to see me humble, to see his good Childe so I played the game. “Sire?”

“Spike.” He was pleased. I hoped I could get my answers quickly and get out of there.

“How’d you do that? Get the witch whimpering like that, I mean. She’d gotten used to Dru’s slashes, until today.”

“I don’t know what you mean,” he said. The lilt in his voice told me he knew exactly what I meant and was enjoying his power over me.

  
_Give it up, you tosser. I know you want to tell me. You love to show off._ “Fine,” I said as I started to head out the door.  


“Spike. Spike. What’s your rush? Got a roller derby convention to wheel off to?” I didn’t respond and Angel sighed but continued. “It’s the timing. I’ve been calling Dru off of Willow very quickly, up until today.”

“That’s it? You let Dru torture her longer than usual and Willow collapses?”

“I set up a pattern. Something she could predict. Today I took away the pattern, swept the rug out from under her feet. She fell. Simple but effective.”

** Willow **

_The voices are gone. It’s gotten quiet. This is the worst. With the voices, comes order. Drusilla attacks but she’s called off. There’s talk, about how vulnerable I am, how tasty I look. But they won’t attack. Not in front of Angelus._

_Quiet is chaos._

_It’s almost easier when Drusilla comes to me in the quiet. I don’t expect Angelus to save me when it’s just the two of us. I don’t have to be disappointed when he doesn’t call her off. She’s not the worst though; she’s better than..._

_I wait, hoping I don’t hear it. Hoping I don’t hear..._

_Someone is breathing, just outside of my cage. I listen. I listen for a very long time. It can’t be a vampire. They don’t need to breathe._

** Angelus **

  
I sat by Willow’s cage. Breathing. The scent of her terror filled the room _. This part is so much fun._  


** Willow **

“...and Giles? Giles only cares about Buffy. She’s the Slayer. She’s the one he’s been assigned to watch.”

  
_Angelus has been rattling on forever. Xander has Cordelia. Buffy won’t rescue me. I don’t care anymore._ A tear slid down my cheek. _I do care._  


**Angelus**

_Almost. My Willow. You’re almost ready._

**Willow**

_Drusilla’s at me again. I don’t know how I’ve survived all these cruel cuts. Suddenly my arm is pulled out of the cage. I feel teeth biting into my wrist. Oh. I didn’t know she could drain me this way. At last, at last I might die._

“Dru!” _The biting stops._ “Everyone out!” _Angelus. He takes me out of the cage. He picks me up and then everything feels dizzy for a moment, like we’re moving but I don’t know how or where. He takes of my blindfold and I don’t even see the room, all I can see is Angel. We’re on the ground, or actually, he’s on the ground and I’m on his lap. He wraps his arms around me. He gives me water and I spill it but he patiently holds the cup to my mouth until I drink my fill. He rocks and rocks and rocks me back and forth. Feeling safe, for the first time that I can recall, I fall asleep in his arms._  


  
_When I wake, I’m still in his arms. He hasn’t moved, all this time_. “I won’t let her hurt you, Willow. I can move you out of the cage into a room of your own. But you have to do me a small favor. You need to wear my mark because it identifies you as being under my protection. Can you do that for me?”

“Y... yes.”

Angel gave me a gentle smile. “Good girl.” He vamped out and said, “I’m sorry but this will hurt. I’ll try to make it quick.” As he leaned in towards my neck, I startled away.

“Wait! What are you doing?” I cried.

“What’s the matter?” Angelus asked. “You just agreed.”

“Biting me? That’s your mark?”

“Of course.” Angelus’ gaze turned inward for a moment. “I’m sorry, Willow. I hadn’t thought how it would look to a human. I can’t move you to your own room without my mark because it’s too open, too easy to get into. I can keep an eye on you in the cage but not if you’re off in some room.” Angelus obviously didn’t know how often Drusilla attacked me at night, when he wasn’t around. As I was agonizing over whether it would be worse to be bitten by Angelus immediately or Drusilla later, he hesitantly added, “There is another option.”

A _nything would be better than the cage again._ I thought about being bitten by Angelus and had to add, _well almost anything_. “Another option?”

Angelus caught my gaze. “Willow, are you sure? It would take quite a while and hurt for a long time. My bite would hurt but would be over much more quickly. I’ve been a vampire long enough that I can control my urge to feed: I can drink only a bit of your blood without draining you completely.” He sniffed my neck, and whispered, “And I really would like to taste you.”

“I’m sure!”

Angelus stared at me, as if considering, and then snapped his fingers. A minion entered. “Bring Jessa to me. Tell her I need a mark.”

He carried me over to a chair. A highly tattooed woman entered with a tattoo machine. My mother had wanted my input for a paper she was writing on body modifications in modern youth culture. If she’d ever looked at me, she would have seen I had no tattoos but I’d learned quite a bit about piercing and tattoos. And I realized I was delaying, trying not to think about what that machine was there for because there was no way out. I couldn’t see a way out.

Angelus leant close to me. “Either this or I bite you and I have to confess, if I bite you, once it starts healing, I’d have to mark you again. I,” he hesitated. “If you can’t make up your mind, I can make the choice for you. I promise, I’ll be very quick.”

“But a tattoo?”

“Willow, the mark is for your protection. Without my mark, you’ll have to go back in the cage. Otherwise I can’t protect you when I’m not here. We’re only doing this because I want you to be safe.”

I looked at the scars on my arms and rubbed my fingers across one of the scars on my face. “I’m sorry. I guess I’m just nervous.”

“Shh.” Angelus put a finger over my lips. “You know me. You know I won’t hurt you.”

“I knew Angel.”

“I am Angel. I just want to make you safe here. Let me make you safe.” When I hesitated Angel added, “Would it help if I held your hand?”

“Please.”

Jessa exposed my neck. I caught Angel’s gaze. He looked so calm and confident. I stared into his eyes while the woman marked me. It hurt. It hurt a lot. I squeezed Angel’s hand. When it was finished, I felt like I could fly from the relief.

After, Angel carried me upstairs: up, up, up a spiraling staircase, through a bedroom, and into a bathroom. He put me down but had to hold me steady while I found my balance because my legs were wobbly. He closed the door behind us. The tub was partly filled with water. Candles lit the room. I caught sight of myself in the mirror. All I could see was the tattoo, a stylized angel on my neck, just where a vampire would bite. Fewer lines than I expected from the pain. Beautiful.

“Undress,” said Angelus. Something in his tone made me think he meant it to sound gentle but it came out as a command.

“I can bathe myself.”

“Shh.” He put his fingers over my lips. “Let me do this.” I looked to the floor and took off my clothes, slowly, folding them with extra care. I didn’t know why I obeyed him. I was terribly embarrassed. I hid my body from his gaze as best I could with my hands and arms. I stood there, naked before him, for what seemed like a very long time, but probably wasn’t. He gently raised my chin until I was looking at him and said, “Be careful getting in. I left the water lukewarm but it will still sting your cuts a bit. Luckily most of them are on your upper body where we can keep them out of the water.”

I lowered myself into the water, back towards him to avoid his gaze. He picked up a washcloth and knelt by the edge of the tub. “I can do that myself,” I stammered.

He dipped the cloth into the water, lathered soap onto it, and said, “Lean forward so I can wash your back.” He gently massaged the cloth across my shoulder blades and I could feel the care he was taking to work around where I’d been slashed. “Relax, you’re too tense.” When I didn’t respond, he added, “I won’t hurt you, Willow.”

I looked over at him. “Then let me go.”

“I’m not going to do that.”

“Why? Is this a trap for Buffy?” I asked.

“It’s not about Buffy. Now shhh. Let me bathe you.” I looked away again and started trembling slightly in fear. I knew that, being the Slayer’s best friend, I was supposed to be courageous but I didn’t know what was going to happen next. I didn’t know what was expected of me.

Angelus stroked the cloth down my back and then up to my shoulder blades again. He massaged the cloth down my right arm, which meant uncovering my breasts. I moved the other arm over them. He chuckled at that and moved the cloth over that arm. I felt like a frightened rabbit, one that couldn’t move because the hound would get her. I startled as he moved the cloth across my breasts. He put his free hand on my back and continued – no more or less than he’d done so far. Just a different area of my body, which would have been OK but then he started moving the cloth downward. As he finished massaging across my belly, he moved over to my hips and then down my legs. I breathed a sigh of relief as he cleaned long strokes down my right leg but then tensed up again as he stroked up the left. With relief, I saw him put the cloth away.

He drained the water out of the tub but wouldn’t let me get up. He put a shampoo bottle on the edge of the tub and walked over to the sink. “Sleeping Beauty lavender shampoo?” I asked.

He shrugged in response and said, “Drusilla likes it.” _He’s going to wash my hair with Drusilla’s shampoo. I hope that doesn’t mean he intends to drive me insane and turn me._  


He came back with a hose, like something you’d see in a beauty salon and told me to kneel down in the tub. He must not have liked how I was looking at him because he rolled his eyes and said, “We have to be careful to keep your tattoo dry for the first couple of weeks.” That jibed with what I’d learned from my mother’s paper so I crouched face down at the bottom of the tub.

He massaged the shampoo into my scalp. If I weren’t so terrified, it would probably have felt good. He used the hose to wash the shampoo out of my hair. I was waiting for him to turn brutal but it felt very gentle and tender. He toweled excess water out of my hair and then wrapped my hair with another towel before he let me get up and out of the tub. Standing before him, I covered myself as best I could and lowered my eyes.

Because I was still waiting for the brute to emerge, I trembled as he started drying me but he was very gentle and continued to be careful around my cuts. It took a very long time. When he was done, I could barely keep my eyes open and was leaning against him for support. Standing me back on my own two feet, he wrapped a robe around me and then drew me into a hug. I was grateful because I didn’t think I could stand on my own that much longer. He kissed my forehead and told me, “You shouldn’t hide yourself, Willow. You’re a very beautiful woman.”

Lifting me up, he carried me into the bedroom. He placed me on a cloud. It must have been a cloud. It was the most comfortable thing I’ve ever lain on. I drifted off to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Spike**

“Spike, with me,” Angel said.

“What for?” I asked. Knew where this was going and I didn’t want any part of it.

“Hunting,” he replied.

“Already ate,” I said, not really believing that’d get me out of it.

“With. Me. Now.” _Damn. He’s going to ramble on and I’m the poor sod stuck listening.   Too bad Darla’s dead, she used to eat this stuff up with a spoon. May as well direct the conversation._  


“A tattoo? That’s your mark?” I asked.

Angel smiled at that, as if pleased with himself. “If I’d bitten her, she could always say she didn’t have a choice.”

“You can’t think the Slayer and company won’t realize she was coerced into it,” I replied.

“Spike,” Angel said. “Don’t you get it yet? What matters is what Willow thinks. Willow can’t hide the tattoo but she knows she had a choice and the contradiction will lead her to convince herself it was the right choice. I’m thinking we should hit a rave, celebrate.” _And make me suffer; you know I hate that disco derived racket._  


“You bullied Willow into getting a tattoo and that’s something to celebrate?” I asked.

“Childe,” Angel growled. “Are you listening to me at all? She accepted my tattoo. She let me bathe her. I’ve got her. The only choice open to Willow is to follow the path I’ve laid out for her, the path that will make her mine.”

“You bathed her?”

“Fear’s finished, for the most part. It’s time to start my seduction.” Angel smirked at me. “You should have seen her, Spike. Such a ripe peach.”

“I’ll wait here.” We were close to the rave but I needed time to think. If Angel was going to be busy seducing Willow, maybe that’d leave Dru for me. _Shit. Did I just think that? I’m not waiting on his leftovers._  


And then, as if he’d read my mind, Angel said, “Of course that means I’ll be spending more time with Dru. Since I’ll be taking it slowly with Willow I’ll need some way to release my pent up,” he paused and smirked at me, “energy.” I was about to belt Angel when he signaled me into the shadows. I thought about punching him anyway but Angel’s celebrating is a sight to see. I didn’t want to miss whatever form of torture he’d come up with and I could always punch him later.

There were a couple of young birds heading our way, both brunettes – one slightly thinner than the other; nothing special about either one that I could see. Felt uneasy; if he really wanted to celebrate, he’d go for someone out of the ordinary.

“Hey, you two heading to the rave?” Angel asked. The thinner bird stepped forward, into Angel’s space and replied yes, that’s where they were going. Her friend held back, staying away from Angel. Smart girl but probably not smart enough to survive this evening. “Well, look,” he said, glancing up and down the street, “I got this stuff from Nathaniel. You know Nathaniel, right?” The bolder girl nodded in awe. A couple of guys were checking out the hotel a few days ago and I’m guessing Nathaniel was one of them. “It’s too much for me alone and I was wondering if you’d...”

“Laura,” the cautious girl interrupted, “Come on.”

Laura touched Angel’s arm, said, “Hold that thought,” and went to debate with her friend. They whispered but vampire hearing meant I caught every tedious word. “Trish, you’re supposed to get a bit high for a rave. Besides, he’s cute. How do you think Misha will feel if I walk in with him?” _Blah. Blah. Blah. Make the ex, who dumped me, jealous. Upside is, she convinced her friend._  


As they stepped towards Angel, we grabbed them and dragged them into the alley. Angel drained Laura, fast and furious. Trish hadn’t even finished gasping before Laura’s corpse hit the ground.

“You sure you’re not hungry?” Angel asked me.

“No. Take her.”

“So, where was I?”

I could see Angel was about to start on a detailed description of seduction, using Trish as a stand in for Willow, so I replied, “You were going to tell me how you convinced Willow to get a tattoo.” Angel didn’t appreciate my redirect but just about then the girl started whimpering.

“Shh,” Angel told her. “You want to live through this? You need to keep quiet.” She glanced down at her friend’s body and shut up.

“The tattoo,” Angel said. “Now that was a masterpiece of manipulation. The torture put Willow into what Pavlov called the paradoxical phase.” I made a duh-face since I didn’t recognize the jargon. Angel rolled his eyes and continued, “In the paradoxical phase, a weak stressor causes an extreme response while a strong stressor has no response.” I yawned. _I’d forgotten how pedantic Angel could be while pontificating. Bugger, now I’m starting to sound like him_. “Fine, I’ll use simple words you can understand,” he continued. “When I sat, breathing, outside of Willow’s cage, that was a relatively weak stressor – I’ve put her through much worse – but her response was extreme; she was terrified. When Dru fed from her, Willow hardly reacted at all; that’s when I knew she was ready.”

“And how did she get into this pair of doxies phase?” I asked.

“Paradoxical phase,” Angel replied. “That’s what all the torture has been for.”

“What? Not just for fun?”

Angel glared at me. “No, not just for fun.” He paused, tilted his head for a moment, and asked, “Speaking of fun, got a knife on you?” The bird, Trish, gasped. Angel put a finger over her lips. I caught her eyes and smiled as I handed a switchblade to Angel. “The torture put Willow into an abnormally suggestible state,” Angel added.

“Couldn’t you have just gotten Dru to work her mojo on the witch?” I asked.

“And miss out on all the fun?” Angel replied as he traced the tip of the knife along Trish’s face, not cutting yet, just enjoying her terror. “The torture,” Angel repeated as he continued caressing with the knife, “made Willow extremely suggestible. After I gave her food and water, she felt like her mind was clear but actually her reasoning was impaired. Because she was unable to think through her choices clearly, her responses were automatic, subject to psychological conditioning.”

“Which you manipulated the Hell out of.”

“In a number of ways,” he agreed as he started slicing into Trish’s arm. She, predictably, started screaming. Angel covered her mouth and pinched her nose shut so she couldn’t breathe. “Shh.” When he let go, she was quiet again but her eyes had gotten wild and she was shaking. “Looks like I’m going to have to cut out your tongue to keep you quiet,” he whispered.

“Do that and she won’t be able to speak the incantation,” I told him. He looked up sharply and I glanced at the circle he’d carved, the start of a sigil. This was an old game of Angel’s: he’d carve sigils onto his victim’s skin and have them chant the incantation. If they had any power, it would transport them elsewhere. Only worked once and that witch had been smart enough to get training and then come back for us, was the closest to death I’ve ever been since I, well since I actually died.

Angel nodded to me and moved the knife to Trish’s breast. She started whimpering and Angel nuzzled into her ear, whispering for her to be quiet. He cut off her blouse and gagged her with it before adding two perpendicular lines to the sigil.

Angel started back in about his so-called masterpiece. “Because you deferred to me, Willow sees me as an authority figure.”

“Doesn’t seem like much,” I replied.

“Spike, humans thrive on authority. Look at France under Nazi rule. Invaders from another country set themselves up as the local authorities, told the good citizens to hate that group of people, and they did. Or take the Milgram experiment. Must have been a sight to see: trembling, crying, begging to be let off and those were the torturers. They hated what they were doing but were willing to shock other people to death just because some guy in a lab coat told them to. So, what do you think?” he asked, displaying the first sigil. He’d added a stylized ‘h’ to the top to finish the sigil, Binah over the earth – the womb of possibilities governing the physical plane.

“You know how I feel about this game,” I replied.

“Think of it this way: by the time this one is ready to hunt us down, we’ll have our own witch to protect us,” he said before he started to carve the second sigil. “I used Dru to play Good Cop/Bad Cop. I’m the one who originally imprisoned Willow but, in comparison to Dru, Willow saw me as a protector.”

“But Dru was never a danger to Willow,” I growled.

“No. We saw to that but Willow doesn’t know it. And she never will,” he snarled. I shrugged in mock-submission but it was good enough for Angel. He finished off the second sigil: a crescent moon on one end, a bunch of vertical lines, and something squiggly in the middle. “I led Willow to choose the tattoo. It was something she never would have done if I hadn’t manipulated her into it.”

“How’d that work?” I asked.

“I made her think that she had only three choices: the cage, where Dru would continue to attack her, my bite, or the tattoo. Compared to being bitten, the tattoo must have seemed like the safest choice. By initially trying to bite Willow and then backing down, by allowing her to choose the tattoo, I made Willow think I’d made a concession to her. That increased Willow’s sense of obligation and, in the long run, will make her more satisfied with my mark and her submission.”

“You didn’t make a concession,” I said.

“Willow thinks I did.” Angel showed off the third sigil, a circle with four crosses radiating out from the center. Blood dripped down into Trish’s eyes. “Ready?” He flashed a smile at me. I didn’t bother to respond. He turned Trish to face him and addressed her. “I’m going to take out the gag. If you want to live, do exactly as I say. Understand?” Trish responded with a jerky nod. He put a finger over her lips, said, “No screaming now,” and removed the gag. She breathed heavily but made no other noise. “Now, repeat after me:”

“Quatros cruzados veem ca me.

Ventro da lua traz me.

Luz da lua desperace.”

I froze, waiting for her to disappear and relaxed when she didn’t. “Oh well,” Angel shrugged before he drained her. I realized something, this wasn’t the celebration he’d planned; the bastard was punishing me for declining his invitation to the rave. “Now that Willow’s started to accept my dominion over her,” Angel started to say.

“Most humans don’t take to having a Sire,” I interrupted, angry at what he’d just put me through.

“But they do form dominance-subordinate relationships. Willow’s uncertain, which means she’ll be looking around her, at us, for cues on how to behave. I want her to think of herself as something akin to my Childe and you will be her primary role model. I’ll need you to bond with Willow so you can pattern Childe-like behavior around her. Good thing your scars have healed.”

“Why’s that?” I spat out.

“Humans bond more easily to someone they are physically attracted to,” Angel said. “They form bonds while eating so you will bring Willow all of her meals and stay while she eats. Also, compliment her and try for similarity, like the things she likes.”

“I’m hardly going to like whatever a human teenager likes, now am I?”

“You can pretend,” he said as if it were a perfectly reasonable suggestion.

“Anything else?” I snarked.

“Lose the attitude,” he growled as he shoved me against the wall. I thought about Dru until I calmed down, about how I couldn’t leave her alone with him, not while he was making her the witch’s enemy.

“Sire,” I whispered. He flashed into vamp face and sniffed into my neck; thought he was going to feed, show me my place, but he didn’t.

He let me go, patronizingly brushed off my jacket, and said, “Come Childe. I want to get back to Dru. When Willow wakes, you bring her food and antibiotics, like we discussed. Tomorrow, after I’m finished with Dru, I’ll be giving you detailed instructions on how to behave around Willow.”

**Willow**

  
Shortly after I woke up, Spike entered the room.  _He’s not here to hurt me. Angelus won’t like it but Angelus isn’t here. Spike won’t hurt me, maybe._  


“Well, take it. Not like it’s doing me any good.” He gestured towards me with a tray. I tried to stand and fell back onto the bed. With a grimace, he rolled over to the bed and put a tray of broth, applesauce, and water onto the side table. I tried not to wolf down the food but wasn’t very successful. When I was done, he just sat there.

“I’m done now.”

“And?”

“You don’t have to stay.”

“I’ll leave when I’m good and ready.” He stared at me and suddenly took the tray and headed out the door. Some time later, he returned. “Here. For your cuts.” He handed me a bag and left. Antibiotic cream. Bandages. His thoughtfulness brought tears to my eyes.

** Spike **

_Brought the witch some bandages. At Angel’s command. Bastard’s right though; I made it look like I care and she’s about ready to cry. Just a little bit of affection has that much of an effect on her. This might just work._

** Willow **

_Please, please Buffy. Find me. Get me out of this. I’m so afraid. I don’t trust the food. I worry that they’ve drugged or poisoned it but why would they? I’m already in their power. And Angelus, with the baths. I keep expecting him to... well I can’t say make love to me because that’s not what it would be, but he hasn’t, not yet anyway. And the tattoo._

  
_The tattoo. Angelus’ mark. They’re going to think I willingly... But I didn’t. Did I? I could have stayed in the cage or I could have let him bite me. He said he could control himself and if he couldn’t the worst would be over._ I started trembling at that thought.  _Bite marks would have been something I couldn’t stop. Obviously I had to sit still for the tattoo. I can’t explain it. My friends will always think, will always know, that I agreed. What else will they think I agreed to?_ Sobbing, I fell onto the bed.  


**Angelus**

“As I told you last night,” I said, “I want Willow to think of herself as my Childe. She’ll be looking to those around her for clues on how to behave so you need to make her like you, make her think of you as a friend.”

“Some human bit’s going to think we’re friends?” Spike asked.

“I mean it Spike. You’re her knight in shining armor, her Lancelot.”

“What?” Spike smirked. “The guy who shagged Guinivere and brought down the kingdom?”

“No. You know who I mean. Perceval. Galahad. Whoever.”

Spike continued laughing. “Childe,” I growled. That sobered him up quickly enough. He crossed his arms, leaned back in his wheelchair. “You will make Willow your friend,” I finished.

“Right,” Spike snarked. “Spend time with her, look pretty for her, like the things she likes, compliment her, on her taste of captors perhaps, bring her meals and hang around while she eats, cooperate with her to solve a big problem. Oh, maybe I can help her escape.”

“Childe,” I growled, “you mess this up for me and I’ll make sure you never see Drusilla again.”

“Fine,” Spike replied. “Anything else?”

“Willow will find the notebook in a couple of days. I’m sure she’ll be bored enough that she won’t be able to resist keeping a journal. I’ll need you to monitor it and report back to me on what she writes.”

I could see that Spike didn’t want to ask but couldn’t resist. “A teenager’s journal. Why’s that important?”

“First reason should be obvious, Spike; by reading her journal, we know what she’s thinking,” I replied.

“Assuming she’s not smart enough to know we’d read it and lie.”

“You let me worry about that,” I told him. “More importantly a journal written in her own hand is a public commitment. As she starts to submit to me, her writing will reflect that. People determine what they believe based on how they act and so her own writings will force her to increasingly adjust her self-image to that of my subordinate Childe.”

“Assuming she starts submitting to you in the first place,” Spike replied.

“Oh, she will. Willow has no choice in that matter. I’ve set up too many psychological dominos that will pull her down that path. Once she’s sufficiently subordinate we will remind her that her journal could be found, read by others, even by her Sunnydale pals. This will set up another external pressure to submit. She will believe that others see her as submissive to me and that will make her even more so.”

“That means the tattoo also acts as a public commitment?” Spike asked.

“Yes, my mark says that Willow submitted to me. She’s intelligent enough to figure out that it will convince others that she submitted willingly and that, in turn, will convince her that she made the right choice.”

**Willow**

As soon as I stopped sleeping all the time, I searched the room. It’s not like I had a lot to do. Spike spent a lot of time with me and Angelus took the time to bathe me each evening but I still had time to myself. The only unexpected items were an old notebook and some pens with the name of a hotel on them, the Hyperion. The pens didn’t give the location of the hotel. Shouldn’t they? At least a city and state?

_Notebook. What should I write? An escape note? I have no way of getting it out of here while the windows are boarded up. I could carry it on me and look for an opportunity. What if they found it? So what! They have to know I want to escape. Angelus did free me from the cage and move me to this room but I’m still a prisoner._

** Spike **

I picked up Willow’s book while Angel had her off in the bath. She had placed a hair very carefully over it, so she’d know if it had been disturbed. No problem for me to put it back exactly as I’d found it.

My scars are healing. Whatever’s in that antibiotic Spike brought me is making a difference. I guess I shouldn’t care. It’s not like I’m getting out of here alive.

Why? Why have they kept me here for so long? Why does Angelus

_She breaks off there. Must be upset, which is what Angel wants. He’ll be happy to hear it._

** Willow **

“You don’t have to stay while I’m eating.”

“Someone needs to take back the dirty dishes. Besides,” he rolled the wheelchair back and forth a bit, “not like I’m going anyplace soon.”

“How’d that happen?”

In a you-are-such-an-idiot tone of voice, Spike replied, “A church fell on me.”

“Oh. Sorry about that. No. Come to think of it, I’m not sorry at all. You were killing Angel.”

“And rescuing Angel worked out so well for you.” He gestured to the room.

“It did. Well, until he slept with Buffy.” I slapped my hand over my mouth. _I don’t believe I just said that._  


“What?” Curiosity transformed his face.

“Um. Gypsy curse. Angel loses his human soul if he has a moment of true happiness. Which he did when he and Buffy, well, you know.”

“No,” he chuckled. “I didn’t know that.”

Spike started telling me stories. All of them were very funny and at Angelus’ expense. We were laughing so hard, I could barely breathe. “Angel clambered out of the water, covered in some type of water weed. I mean it was draped all over him. He stormed over to Dru and told her if she ever did something so stupid again, he’d spank her so hard she wouldn’t sit for a week. Of course, at that, Dru draped herself all over him and asked him if that was a promise. Which didn’t help Angel’s mood one bit.”

Spike stopped talking and stared into space. After a few moments, with an “I should go,” he flew out the door in such a hurry he left my dirty plates behind.

I started thinking about Spike. _Spike loves Drusilla but she favors Angel. I don’t know how but maybe I can use this. Maybe I do have a chance to escape. Information. I need to gather as much information as I can. Perhaps Spike will tell me something else._  


** Spike **

_Dru. She’ll never choose me over Angel. I should leave. Angel wants me to be his Childe again. Can’t. Can’t. Can’t. Can’t. Can’t leave Dru. Which means I have to submit. To Angel. Shit._

** Willow **

Spike was laughing as he told another story. “The kids were surprised but not terrified and they regrouped quickly. One of the older ones spilled marbles all over the floor. Angel slipped and fell flat on his face, the expression when he got up...”

Spike’s stories usually had me in stitches but this time I started thinking about what he was telling me. Not his mocking Angel, which they all featured, but the rest of it: massacres in convents, attacking children, death, violence. I’d known this was the kind of thing vampires did but I hadn’t found it funny before I’d come here, before I’d been brought here.

“So there was Angel, scrambling over the marbles, trying to escape, as the kids shot holy water at him out of toy water pistols.”

_I’ve changed. I’m not the girl I used to be, back home.  What would they think of me, now, in Sunnydale? Would Xander be attracted? No. Would he be revolted or would I go back to being the mousy little Willow he never noticed? Best buds, sure, but never more than that._

“A woman came to the door and started shooting flaming arrows out of a crossbow. Last time I attack a demon hunter’s family.” Spike must have noticed I was preoccupied, “So, enough about me. What about you? Must have had some interesting adventures, helping the Slayer and all.”

“I,” I didn’t know what to say. “You mean like killing vampires?”

“And the odd demon. You must have seen some doozies, living on the Hellmouth.” When I didn’t respond, Spike added,“Not like I didn’t know you’ve helped kill vampires, Willow.”

“With you being a vampire and all, I thought it might be something you wouldn’t want to hear,” I replied.

“Tell you what. You say something I don’t want to hear, I’ll let you know.”

“Well. If you’ll do something for me.” The words rushed out of my mouth before I could stop them. “Sunnydale. How are they? Are they looking for me? Is Xander still with Cor...” He placed a finger over my mouth.

“Angel has contacts in Sunnydale. They’re not looking for you. They’ve given up. Xander and Cordelia went to some dance together. She was crowned Queen of Bad Cafeteria Food or some such high-school nonsense.” He must have read more from my expression than I’d intended because he looked me straight in the eyes and finished with, “I like you Willow but I can’t help you. Not against Angel.” He wrapped me in his arms while I held back my tears. I’d given enough away.

** Angelus **

  
I was bathing Willow; as usual she was full of blushes and stammers. As I washed her breast, I tested, teased, caressed my thumb across her nipple. She gasped and leaned into it just the tiniest bit.  _That’s my girl_ , I thought but I put a nervous expression on my face and apologized. As if these baths were not one long, slow seduction.  


  
Sunken at her feet as I dried her, I trembled with rage. This pseudo submission did not suit me but was necessary for my long-term goals. Once she had submitted, I’d teach Willow her proper place.  _I could take her now, on the tiles, rough, violent, unstoppable_ . I trembled again but it worked for me: Willow mistook it for desire.  


A chaste kiss and I locked her away. Drusilla knew enough to be in my bedroom, naked, waiting, wanting. Finally free to express my true desires, I drowned myself in her darkness.

**Willow**

Spike walked into my room. “Spike, your legs. The wheelchair.”

Spike grinned and replied, “Vampire healing. Hurry up and finish your dinner and then we’ll celebrate.”

“Celebrate, how?” I asked cautiously.

“It’s a surprise,” he answered. _A surprise, something new_. Spike placed his hand on mine. “It’s just down the hall pet; I promise you’ll love it.”

“I’m not very hungry,” I said. “Can we go now?”

Spike glanced at my food and then at me. “Of course,” he said, very gently as he took my hand and led me down the hall. With its couch and tv, the room looked more like a living room. Spike hit a button on the microwave and the smell of popcorn filled the room. I looked at Spike and he hit a button on the remote control. The Princess Bride started playing. He smiled and shrugged at the same time and said, “Thought I’d check it out after you recommended it.” After I won our quick fight about who got to hold the popcorn, we sat down to watch the movie.

“Is this a kissing book?”

“I’m with the kid on this one, Red,” Spike responded to the tv. “Is this a kissing movie? Because I’ve got a rep to maintain.”

“Just watch the movie Spike,” I smiled at him.

“The Cliffs of Insanity.”

“He cut the rope?” Spike asked. “Not gentleman-like behavior; not at all.”

“So you’d have let him climb the rope?” I asked.

“Well, no. Never said I was a gentleman,” Spike replied.

“Wesley, what about the ROUSes?”

“Rodents of Unusual Size? I don’t think they exist.”

“Bite him,” Spike shouted at the screen. “Gnaw his arm off.”

“Spike, you’re supposed to root for the good guy,” I told him.

“But the movie needs more blood and gore,” Spike replied.

“He’s dead.”

“See? See? They killed him. Good guy, ha,” Spike gloated.

“Hallo. My name is Inigo Montoya. You kill my father. Prepare to die. ... I want my father back you son of a bitch.”

“Lick his blood off your sword,” Spike shouted to the screen.

“Spike,” I admonished.

“What?” Spike asked. “It’s traditional to lick blood after defeating an enemy; blood vengeance and all that.”

I gave him a look and Spike replied, “It could be; you don’t know.”

As the credits rolled, Spike said, “That was actually good!”

“Did you think I like bad movies?” I teased.

“No. Not that. It’s just I generally like my movies to have more blood and guts than that. Lots more blood and guts.”

I was about to respond when I noticed he’d gotten that inward look, the one that means he’s thinking about Drusilla. I finished off the popcorn to give him some privacy.

“Do you believe in true love?” he asked. Without waiting for my response, he continued. “I used to.”

“Why did you stop? Was it being turned?”

My question took Spike by surprise. “No. It wasn’t that.”

“What then?” I asked.

“Angel came back.”

**Spike**

Spike asked me if I believe in true love. I thought I did. I thought I loved Xander. He never loved me back. How can that be true love? How could he be with her if he cared about me at all? How could he not care for me, at least a little? We’ve been friends forever. I don’t see how a friend could treat me that way.

_True love. Willow doesn’t know Xander dumped Cordelia as soon as he realized Willow was taken. She still thinks they’re together and I’m a part of that, I lied to Willow so she’d start thinking of them as her enemies, to bring her closer to us._

_Well, their loss, our gain._

**Willow**

With breakfast, Spike brought me a dozen red roses. “In memory of true love,” was all that he would say about them. He kept them fresh for me, replacing them before they wilted.

**Angelus**

_ Spike’s been bringing Willow flowers. Roses. The witch is supposed to be mine. The power, mine. Time to take things up a notch. _

As I dried Willow off, I made my motions slower and more sensual than they had been. I added in a touch of heavy breathing, as if I couldn’t help myself. I’d thought the heavy breathing might be a bit over the top, coming from a vampire who didn’t need to breathe, but apparently not.

I acted attentive and nervous when I took her back to her room, as if I was really attracted to her and unsure how to behave.

**Willow**

Angel wrapped my robe around me. He opened the door and gestured for me to leave. _My kiss! He forgot my kiss! OK. I shouldn’t be disappointed because being kissed by a vampire is a bad thing. Buffy kissed. Angel. Buffy kissed Angel. This is Angelus. It’s not really like I’m stealing Buffy’s boyfriend because Angelus isn’t. And anyway, he’s not interested - in me. The kissing is just platonic. Like so much naked kissing is. Well, I’m in a robe, this flimsy green silk that could be ripped off quickly. If anyone wanted to rip it off, which of course he doesn’t. And anyway, he’s not naked and maybe vampires just look at things differently. So, he’s definitely not interested and his not kissing me is a good thing._

Instead of taking me back to my room, Angelus opened another door. It was much like my room but lit by hundreds of candles. Some other vampires, minions perhaps, were lighting candles as we walked in. They made slight bows to Angel and left. Angel gestured for me to sit on the couch and I curled up as close to the edge as possible. He sat very close to me. There was a knock at the door and Spike walked in, acting differently than he did when we were alone. He was almost deferential and he referred to Angel as his Sire. He handed Angel a plate and then glanced over at me and smiled. I blushed and lowered my eyes but then glanced back up at him. 

“You can leave now, Childe,” Angel said. Spike gave me a quick wink before he walked out and Angel glared at the door for a moment.

  
_ A _ ngel lifted up the plate and inhaled. He put a bite on the fork and held it up to me. He smiled that smile, _the one that looks so genuine but can’t be because he’s a vampire and why would he be interested_? I stopped that thought.  


“Open wide.”

I felt... afraid. I didn’t know what this new game, what this change meant. I felt... all tingly. The way I used to feel around Xander. _Xander. I’m betraying Xander. He has Cordelia,_ my mind sneered as my heart hardened. I looked up at Angel, licked my lips, and opened my mouth.


	3. Chapter 3

 

**WIllow**

Today I realized that I’m looking forward to Spike’s visit. I’m even looking forward to, well, my baths, with Angel. I know they’re vampires. I know that. But I’m so bored. I’m used to being busy. All I have to do here is write on this paper and sleep. I think I’ve been sleeping more than I used to but it’s hard to tell. With no windows, I can’t judge. All I can do is guesstimate day length by when Spike brings me food. And when Angel takes me to... Afterwards he took me to another room and fed me chocolate cheesecake. It was the most decadent thing I’ve ever tasted. I don’t understand his obsession with doing everything for me. It’s sort of disturbing.

  
_She looks forward to my visits?_ I felt vaguely disturbed. _That’s good, right? It’s what Angel wants. Wait. What Angel wants is good? Shitshitshit; I did not just think that._

**Willow**

“Why do you stay here with Angel?” I asked Spike.

“It’s a vampire thing. You wouldn’t understand.”

“Is it because of Drusilla?” He gave me a look so sharp it could have cut a diamond. “From the things you’ve said, I thought that, maybe, you stay because she’s staying.”

“That transparently pathetic, am I?” he asked.

“No! I think it’s sweet.”

Spike jumped up and started pacing around the room. ”Sweet? It’s stupid. Idiotic. Panting after her like she’s a bitch in heat. Letting Angelus drag her away. No, ‘drag’ is the wrong word. She wants him. She wants to be with him. And the only way I can have any part of her is to watch as they go gallivanting off without me. She’ll never, never be fully mine again.”

“Spike. I’ve been in love with Xander since second grade. I know something about unrequited love,” I said.

“No. No you don’t. You had hope. All I have is this serpent dripping venom into my heart.”

I whispered, “You have love.”

Spike kicked a chair over. “Love. Yeah. Much good it does me.”

**Angelus**

After her bath, I wrapped Willow in a silk robe. Green – the color looks good on her. I’d been trying different desserts: chocolate cheesecake, almond pastries, and truffles, among others. Girl likes her chocolate; that night’s offering had the potential to be slightly messy, chocolate fondue with strawberries for dipping. I held one out to her and Willow bit down and then closed her eyes, enraptured by the taste. _Perfect_.

With the fourth strawberry, I ‘accidentally’ dropped some chocolate onto my hand. “Oops,” I said giving her an I-didn’t-mean-to-do-that grin. I had planned to lick the chocolate off myself, gauging Willow’s reactions to determine how quickly I could speed up my seduction but Willow surprised me. She gently took my hand, brought it slowly to her mouth, and started licking; blushing furiously, she never dropped her gaze from my face. I put on a hopeful but shy smile. Willow ate it up. _Yes. Tomorrow. I didn’t expect it would be so soon but I can seduce Willow tomorrow._

I picked up a strawberry, did not dip it, and rubbed it against Willow’s lower lip until her pulse picked up. _Definitely tomorrow_. Willow picked up a strawberry, dipped it and held it out to me. _Oh, initiative is always good. There’s no retreating to ‘you seduced me, you monster,’ after taking the initiative_. I plastered on my you-are-the-center-of-my-world smile, licked my lips, and opened my mouth. I thought about dripping more chocolate onto myself but decided against it; might have been too obvious. All my work would fall apart if she figured out I was manipulating her. We fed the rest of the strawberries to each other and I licked residual chocolate off of Willow’s fingers before kissing her in the candlelight.

**Willow**

That evening, Angel’s bathing and drying me seemed even more sensual than usual. As he knelt at my feet, drying gently up my legs, I could barely hide my trembling. Then he did something new. Angel started kissing my stomach. I gasped and grabbed onto him to keep from falling.

“Willow?” His eyes looked... the look in his eyes took my breath away. “Please?”

I could barely catch my breath. Feeling like I was stepping off a cliff, I breathed my response. “Yes.”

He started kissing his way up my torso. Slowly. His tongue spiraled its way around my breast. I gasped as his mouth encircled my nipple. He started kissing his way up again. As his mouth found my neck, I thought, _This is it. He’s going to turn me. Oh God. And I want it. I want him._

He kissed his way over to my mouth, rubbing my lower back with his hands. “Do you want me Willow?”

“Wh, what?”

“Tell me you want me,” he whispered.

  
_I can’t admit it_. “What if I don’t?”

He pulled back from me completely. “Then we stop and I take you back to your room.” There was finality in his tone, as if this was the only chance I would ever get.

I lowered my head. “Please.”

“Please what?” he asked.

“Please don’t make me say it,” I replied.

He tucked a hand under my chin and gently raised my head until I looked him in the eyes. “Willow. I need to hear you say it because...” His eyes turned inward, as if searching for the right words.

I lowered my gaze and whispered, “Yes.”

“Willow?”

“Yes. I want you,” I said as a tear rolled down my cheek. Feeling his tongue, licking away my tear, I opened my eyes. His smile lit up the room. As I smiled back and leaned over to kiss him, I was filled with certainty. _This is what I want_.

**Drusilla**

We stood in the corridor, down the hall from Willow’s room. “You sure you know what to do, pet?” Spike asked me.

“I take the witch’s notebook. She’s going to be angry.” I laughed at the thought of hurting the witch.

Spike moved behind me, put his head on my shoulder and asked, “And when I come in?”

“You’re going to be mean to me.”

Spike wrapped his arms around me. “All in the game, luv. It’s just a game we’re playing.”

**Willow**

At the sound of the door unlocking, I looked up, slightly nervous. It was difficult to keep track of the time but I knew it was too early for Spike to be bringing me dinner. Drusilla entered the room, leaving the door open behind her. The door was open. I coveted being able to walk out whenever I wanted.

“This is where they’ve been hiding my pretty, sweet treat.” She circled around the room. I kept as much distance between us as I could in the small space, working my way towards the door.

“What’s in here? Little secrets?” She opened my dresser. My notebook!

“Leave that alone,” I shouted.

Drusilla opened the book to the first page and started reading.

“To the finder of this notebook: please deliver it to Buffy Summers, Xander Harris, or Rupert Giles in Sunnydale, CA.

If you’re reading this, I didn’t make it home alive. Not that I expect to. I don’t blame you for not finding me. Angelus could have taken me anywhere. I don’t even know where I am. It must be a city since I can hear”

I grabbed my bedside table and ran at Drusilla, swinging. I didn’t know what had come over me. I could have run out the door. But my notebook was the only thing in that place that was mine.

She swiped away the table as if it were nothing. Dropping my notebook, she grabbed me by the throat and shoved me against the wall. “You tried to hurt me.” I tried to make my final farewells to my parents, Xander, and Buffy. All I could think was that I’d miss Angel and Spike when I was dead.

I closed my eyes and I felt Drusilla being yanked away. I opened my eyes to see Spike shoving her out the door. He closed the door. I was disappointed. An open door contained so many possibilities.

“You OK, pet?”

“Yes,” I stammered.

“You sure?”

“I’m just a bit shaken up. She didn’t... bite me. I’m fine, Spike.”

“But you almost weren’t.” He picked up a set of keys, by the door. She must have dropped them. “Damn! Angel is getting careless. I... I’ll fix this. I’ll talk to him. This isn’t right. You’re too vulnerable here.”

As tears filled my eyes, I wanted to ask him to let me leave but, despite the danger, this was where I wanted to be.

**Spike**

I walked into Angel’s throne room, where we’d kept Willow at first. He practically did have a throne, some big wooden chair and a smaller chair, for Dru, by his side. No chair for me, mind you. _God, this guy has an ego the size of..._

Interrupting my thoughts, Angel asked, “How’d it go?”

  
_I don’t like it. I don’t like any of this anymore. I don’t like hurting Willow._ I was startled. This was a new thought. 

“Fine.” I tossed the keys to him and saw the magic book he’d been waiting to give her. “That it then?” _That book will give her power. And we’ve just made Dru her enemy. If she hurts Dru, I will torture you for centuries._

**Willow**

After Spike left, I lay down in my cloud bed, bunching the blankets around me like a warm cave, and slept. When I woke, Angel was sitting on the couch, watching me.

“Spike told me what happened.” I didn’t know what to say so I remained silent, staring at him from the bed. “I,” he looked down, as if embarrassed, and picked up a book. “I got you a book. On magic.” He looked up at me. “So you can learn to protect yourself.”

I sat up straighter. _Magic? Me? I could learn magic?_ He smiled at my interest.

**Spike**

“Enough, enough.” I grabbed Willow’s hands and took her rock away, an obsidian arrow she’d used for her spell. It was clever really. She’d anchored a spell into the arrow so she wouldn’t have to cast it when she needed it. All she had to do was blow on the arrow and I was frozen to the spot. She’d explained that she had a chant she could use with it to give the spell extra mojo but she was working on speed at the moment. She’d been practicing it on me for hours and I was starting to figure out how to resist it but I’d had enough mojo worked on me for one day.

“Spike. I need to practice. Angel says I can leave this room once using the spell is automatic.”

“Automatic, eh? Don’t care how quickly you can blow on a rock, I can always move faster.” To prove my point, I pinned her to the couch. “And now your neck is mine,” I teased and started nibbling. Willow squealed and I jumped back, shaking my head. “Willow, luv. With that shriek, you don’t need a spell.”

“Not funny Spike. I know I need to be faster, which is why Angel is going to start teaching me to fight tomorrow so I can give myself enough time to use the spell.”

“Of course he is.” I suddenly didn’t feel like playing. “Think I’ll head out.”

“No, wait,” cried Willow. “I’ve got a spell for you.”

“Will, I’m not really in the mood.”   _Not in the mood for Angel’s rejects_ I thought until I saw a rose rise out of a vase.

“I’ve been practicing this one just for you,” Willow said shyly as the rose levitated about a foot over my head. Rose petals fell onto me. The world wasn’t big enough to hold everything I was feeling. The rest of the roses floated up and I grabbed one before Willow showered me with all the rose petals. The petals didn’t hit the floor but continued to swirl around me.

As I stroked the rose downwards from Willow’s neck to her hip, I whispered, “In my heart these roses won’t wither, whichever way the day may whirl.” I held my hand out. “Dance with me,” I said as I handed the rose to Willow. She tucked it into her hair. I held her close, hands on the small of her back, as we swayed to music only the two of us could hear, surrounded by swirling rose petals.

**Willow**

As my magical skills increased, Angel grew confident that I could protect myself from his minions. I was allowed to wander about the hotel on my own. After a few days of my new freedom, I looked down into the foyer to see Drusilla draining ... a man. I gasped. Angelus came up behind me.

“It’s OK Willow.”

I wanted to say something. I wanted to say that she’s killing that man and that killing is wrong. But I knew, I knew vampires did this.

“Shhh.” Angelus pulled me into him and started rocking, gently. “Willow. Listen to me. He was a bad man. He and his friends were beating up a young couple. They almost raped the girl.”

  
_His friends. They killed his friends too._ I started shaking. Angelus picked me up and carried me to his room. He sat on the couch and held me on his lap. He kissed the tattoo on my neck. His mark.

Angel didn’t know it, but I had a choice. I could see, dimly, what I would become if I stayed: cold, caring only for my own and to Hell with the rest of the world, ruthless. My only escape was ... I could have done it. I had enough magic. I could have killed myself if I’d chosen to. But leaning in Angel’s arms, surrounded by his scent, I couldn’t bring myself to leave him. Knowing what he was... glimpsing what I would become... I chose to stay.

**Angelus**

  
_Willow is mine now. All that’s left is the test and that’s been set in motion._ At the thought of the carnage to come, joy shot through me. _One last act to remind Willow that she’s mine and we’re ready for them._

I walked into Willow’s room. At a casual glance, it still appeared to be a hotel room because the new furniture she’d picked out, while very comfortable, looked utilitarian. I’d debated whether Spike or I should take Willow hunting for furniture but, in the end, decided I should because her furniture would then be a gift from me, which would reinforce my authority.

From the outside, the hotel appeared to be abandoned so her windows were still boarded up and the wooden planks could still be seen because Willow could never find curtains she liked to cover them. The room was dominated by a piece of modern art, a circle three-feet in diameter, so black it sucked the light and life out of the room; shards of glass soldered on as if a mirror had exploded and its shards had gotten caught in the darkness. The only other personal touch in the room was a finger puppet Spike had found, the figure from Munch’s The Scream. I brought Willow into the bathroom, stood in front of her mirror, and held my hand out to her. “Willow.” I placed her in front of the mirror and wrapped myself around her. I kissed my mark on her neck, just where a vampire would bite. Seeing my mark and feeling my kisses there at the same time, she shivered with pleasure.

As I brushed my fingers over my mark, I whispered in her ear, “I’ve never asked you what you think of my mark.”

Her eyes opened. I saw her look at my mark while my fingers gently caressed it. “It’s beautiful,” Willow replied.

“You’re beautiful. And you’re mine.”

As I left gentle, butterfly light kisses on my mark, she whispered back, “Yes, I’m yours.”

**Willow**

“Willow. Buffy’s here,” Angel told me.

“Buffy? Here? I thought she’d given up. I thought she wasn’t looking for me. Let me talk to her.”

“Will,” Angel said gently, “she’s here to kill us. Well, not you but she’s here to kill me.”

“But I could explain,” I started.

“What could you say to stop her?” he interrupted.

  
_Please don’t kill my evil undead lover?_ “Nothing.”

Angel cocked his head, as if he heard a noise from the foyer. “There’s no time. Hide here and stay in the shadows.” I hid behind Angel’s chair. Not the greatest hiding place but it was actually large enough to hide me from a casual search. Angel moved away from me so as not to give my hiding place away.

Buffy, Xander, and Giles stealthed into the room. The minions attacked. Henry swung at Buffy. She ducked under his arm, let him get past her, and shoved him to the floor. Xander was ready with a stake. I watched in horror. Henry had been a computer geek, just like me and we’d had some great arguments, debating the merits of Linux vs. Windows. As Linda attacked, Buffy grabbed her and kicked her knee into Linda’s torso. Kick. Kick. Kick. She threw Lucy against the wall and staked her from behind. Can’t say I was going to miss Lucy since she was always fawning up to Angel, as if he’d look at her twice. Brian thought Xander was vulnerable on the floor but Xander held up a cross and Brian flailed backwards, straight into Giles’ stake. Brian had been a Sunnydale football player. He’d helped me out of the car my first day here. Dori punched high at Buffy and was shoved out of the way while Rob hit low. Dori came back at Buffy for another attack and Buffy threw Rob onto her. They fell to the floor together and Buffy staked them: one, two. It seemed appropriate they should die together; they’d been engaged before they’d been turned and we’d had a ceremony here for them. Drusilla’d asked the stars to sing at their wedding and they’d shared the priest after they’d finished their vows. Angel was right. I couldn’t make Buffy understand. I wasn’t the girl she used to know.

“So, it’s down to you and it’s down to me,” Buffy said.

”I wouldn’t want it any other way, Slayer,” Angel replied.

“Where’s Willow?” Buffy asked, stalking towards Angel.

“And why should I tell you that?” Angel returned the favor by moving towards Buffy.

“If you do, I’ll kill you quickly,” Buffy replied.

“If you can kill me at all,” Angel said.

“Oh, I can kill you.” Buffy swung at Angel catching him on the chin. She got in three swift punches to his gut before he sidestepped, grabbed her arm, and twirled her into the wall. She jumped away quickly, facing him again. He threw a wide sweeping punch which Buffy blocked before she kicked out his leg. He fell to the floor and she pulled out a stake. “Tell me or I’ll kill you.”

“Thought you were going to torture the information out of me,” Angel replied.

Buffy raised her stake. I stepped out but Buffy, focused on Angel, didn’t see me. My obsidian arrowhead was in my hand, pointed at Buffy and my fingers moved over its slick surface and sharp edges. My mouth formed the words, each syllable sharp and distinct as it rolled off my tongue. “Fly. Freeze. Bind my enemy.”

“Willow, no. Stop,” I heard Giles shout but it was small and distant. Buffy froze. Angel smiled as he raised himself off the floor. He nuzzled into her neck and I thought he was going to drain her but then he pulled back and put two hands around her head. Snap. She fell to the floor.

“Willow.” Xander. I turned to see Giles falling at Drusilla’s feet and Xander running towards me, his face etched with rage. I couldn’t move. Not to save myself, not from Xander. I couldn’t save myself from what I’d become; perhaps Xander could but then Spike roared out of the shadows, tackled Xander to the floor, and went for his neck.

“Spike, stop,” I cried. Spike looked up, confused.

Angel was at my side. “Willow, what is it?”

“Please. Not Xander. I can’t,” I whispered.

Angel seemed to understand. “It’s OK Willow. We’re safe now; Buffy was the threat. We can let Xander go.”

He nodded to Spike who lifted Xander up, saying, “Looks like it’s your lucky day.”

“Willow, how could you?” Xander yelled as Spike dragged him out of the room. Angel hugged me closely and I trembled at his side. Tears welled in my eyes but wouldn’t fall.

**Angelus**

I nodded to Spike and he took Willow off to the car. She seemed fairly stunned, which was actually helpful because I didn’t want to explain what had delayed me. “Dru, bring the Watcher over here,” I said as I picked up Buffy. I settled her on the floor, leaning against the wall, with her arms around her knees, facing a chair. I looked back to Dru who was busy kissing Giles’ corpse. Sometimes I just didn’t want to know what was going on in her head. “Dru,” I started gently, since this was no time to set her off. I added, “Hand him over here,” when she looked up from her kiss.

As I settled Giles into the chair, Dru asked, “Is she going to be Daddy’s good little girl now?” I gave Dru a smile, pleased at her perception. Norman Rockwell himself couldn’t have painted such a familial scene.

“Dru, my love, go join Spike in the car. I’ll be there in a moment.” I raced upstairs, grabbed what I was looking for, and returned to my display. I opened the book and sat it in Giles’ hands.

**Willow**

_I put out candles and flowers. Angel thinks I’m decorating. It’s a memorial, for Xander, for all of them, actually. Xander was my first friend, my best friend, and my first love.   But Angel and Spike, they’re my world now._

  
_I know they didn’t let him live_.

**Author's Note:**

> The series names comes from a haiku:  
> lily:  
> out of water...  
> out of itself  
>    
> This is where the comment about Lancelot came from: Go to this website and search on Lancelot.  
> http://slacktivist.typepad.com/slacktivist/2007/11/lb-buckys-in-lo.html
> 
> The poem Willow reads in graffiti, that starts “Where demons slink and slither” is from Robert Anton Wilson’s book Masks of the Illuminati.
> 
>  Drusilla's prophecy (spoilers for the series):
> 
>   * “You give me the bright, shiny, blessed sun”. Spike convinces Drusilla to walk into the sun at the end of the series. 
>   * “Angel sings dirges to the cruel, cursed moon.” The moon represents the dark night of the soul or meeting with the Dweller in the Threshold – the giant force of accumulated evil, the hideous part of the self that a person would rather not look at, the demon that must be integrated into the self in order to establish wholeness. (Discussion of the Moon tarot card from Motherpeace: A Way to the Goddess through Myth, Art, and Tarot by Vicki Noble.) 
>   * “Puppy dog eyes are watching” basically means that Xander, and his death, is constantly on Willow’s mind. 
>   * “Sacred bonds are severed” and “all the pretty petals spiraling out, dancing away, drifting apart in the wind.” Spike leaves the group, taking Willow with him. Angel not motivated to cater to Drusilla, he’s used to having Spike around for that. When Angel and Drusilla get their humans souls back, she can’t stand to be near him. 
>   * “The guardian is dead” refers to Paul Smith from the library. His death motivates factions in the Council to try to kill Willow, Spike, Drusilla, and Angelus. 
>   * “Annabel is dead. The gatekeeper is dead.” Annabel is the name of one of Drusilla’s sisters, killed by Angelus. The gatekeeper refers to Nancy, the young girl Drusilla kills at the start of Touching the Ashes of Fallen Flowers. In Drusilla’s madness, she thinks Annabel and Nancy are one and the same. “Annabel Lee” is a poem by Edgar Allen Poe about a woman whom Poe loved even after her death. 
>   * “The center cannot hold” is a quote from Yeats’ poem “The Second Coming.” 
>   * “The trigger is pulled; the arrow flies forth. The stars align against us”. Factions in the Council have decided to kill Willow and the vampires. 
>   * “The stars quarrel amongst themselves.” Refers to inter-faction fighting in the Council. 
>   * “Angels in heaven and demons under the sea conspire and quarrel.” This is a reference to the Council conspiring to kill our heroes and Council factions fighting. 
> 

> 
> After I wrote this scene where Willow accepts the tattoo, I read the following in Battle for the Mind; has interesting correspondences with what I wrote: “Gustaf Bolinder, in Devilman’s Jungle, describes how West African boys are taken away from their parents to an encampment in the woods, where all their clothes are removed and they are subjected to conditions of severe physical hardship. ... Next comes the ritual bath.” What the boys think is a real demon approaches; each boy, “in turn is seized by the demon’s assistants and, almost unconscious with fright, lifted up and put between his jaws. They are then rescued and immediately given extremely painful ritual tattooing. ... the boys begin a prolonged training in the camp intended to make them useful members of the tribe and society in which they are now adepts.”
> 
> When Angelus is explaining the paradoxical phase, Spike refers to it as “pair of doxies.” I ruthlessly stole that bit from Robert Heinlein.
> 
> My friend Charlie Butler wrote the incantation; each line is associated with one of the sigils from the story. If the young woman had witch power and the spell had worked, the speaker would have been taken up and the sigils would have disappeared.
> 
> Quatros cruzados veem ca me.  
> Ventro da lua traz me.  
> Luz da lua desperace.
> 
> Four crossroads come here to me.  
> Womb of the moon encompass me.  
> Light of the moon disappear.
> 
> The scene where Angelus displays Giles and Buffy is from one of the Norman Rockwell paintings displayed on [this page](http://www.normanrockwell.com/artwork/gallery_family.htm).
> 
>  While I don’t really think I got the brainwashing right, I did read a bunch of books with fun titles like Battle for the Mind; they are, pretty much in order of number of ideas used in the story:
> 
>   * Battle for the Mind: A Physiology of Conversion and Brainwashing by William Sargant 
>   * Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion by Robert B. Cialdini 
>   * Brainwashing by Taylor 
>   * Dominance, Self-Esteem, Self-Actualization: Germinal Papers of A. H. Maslow edited by Richard J. Lowry 
>   * Thought Reform and the Psychology of Totalism: A Study of “Brainwashing” in China by Robert Jay Lifton, M. D. 
> 



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